I know it's not Sunday but with all the depressing economic news today, I thought we could all use a little Onion humor:
WASHINGTON—A majority of African-Americans surveyed in a nationwide
poll this week reported feeling "deeply disturbed" and "more than a
little weirded out" by all the white people now smiling at them.
Black citizens have reported a disturbing 350 percent increase in interracial high-fiving since January 20.
First witnessed shortly after President Obama's historic victory,
the open and cheerful smiling has only continued in recent months,
leaving members of the black community completely unnerved.
"On behalf of black people across this nation, I would like to say
to our white brethren, 'Please stop looking at us like that,'" said
Brown University psychology professor Dr. Stanley Carsons. "We're
excited Barack is president, too, and we're glad you're happy for us.
But giving us the thumbs up for no reason, or saying hello whenever we
walk by, is really starting to freak us out."
Added Carsons, "We just want to be able to stand in line at Home Depot without getting patted on the back."
According to the poll, more than 92 percent of African-Americans
have noticed a dramatic increase in the number of beaming Caucasians in
their vicinity, as well as a marked rise in the instances of white
people making direct eye contact with them on the bus, engaging them in
pleasant conversation, and warmly gazing in their general direction
with a mix of wonder, pride, and profound contentment. All respondents
reported being "petrified" by the change.
"Yesterday, I'm pretty sure the cashier at the Giant Eagle winked at
me," said Eddie Wilkes, a Pittsburgh resident who described himself as
"not a politics person." "Then she said something about what a happy
day it was and tried to bump fists. The whole thing gave me the
Organizers reported Sunday that the 44th White House Carnival was a rousing success, raising a record $800,000,066,845 for the federal government—$800 billion of which came from a dunk tank featuring former vice president Dick Cheney.
According to Secretary of the Treasury and carnival volunteer Timothy Geithner, the 5-foot-deep tank has provided a much-needed boost to the nation's flagging economy.
"We expected a big turn out, but this is unbelievable," said Geithner, adding that it's tradition for the outgoing vice president to work the dunk tank. "More than half the country has already gone, and there's still about 20 million people stretching all the way to Maryland waiting for their chance to sink Cheney. We'll be leaving this booth open for as long as it takes for everyone to get a turn." ...
"All right, you candy arms, let's go," Cheney shouted at the line of people, which consisted of Americans, non-Americans, out-of-work autoworkers, teachers, luminaries from the science community, gays, lesbians, military personnel, members of Congress, children, and the entire Arab-American population. "Hey [former British prime minister Tony] Blair. I see you back there. Think you'll be able to stop crying long enough to throw the ball?" ...
Unlike Biller, who carefully threw the ball at the bull's-eye, many citzens opted instead to aim directly at the head and chest of the 67-year-old politician.
One contestant who struggled to hit the target was Sen. John Kerry (D-MA). After nearly 20 unsuccessful tries, several of which involved Kerry standing well ahead of the thrower's line, carnival officials finally allowed Kerry to just walk up and press the button with his hand ...
"I think that son of a bitch was actually having a good time up there," said attendee and former press secretary Ari Fleischer. "Much different than in 2000 when Al Gore refused to take off his T-shirt."
While the dunk tank remained busy throughout the evening, reports from the other side of the White House lawn were less favorable, with former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice having not yet received a single customer at her kissing booth.
First the Republicans vote NO on equal pay for equal work, then they vote NO on the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act and yesterday they vote NO on providing more health insurance to children. Do you detect a theme here? These two gentlemen did too.
From Playing for Change: Peace Through Music comes the follow up to their earlier "Stand By Me" and the second of many "songs around the world" being released on CD/DVD in April, 2009. Featured is a "track written by Pierre Minetti performed by musicians around the world adding their part to the song as it traveled the globe."
Ellen DeGeneres has a very amusing conversation with a woman from Austin:
Seyward Darby has not one--but two--new slideshows up on the site. The first is a guided tour through the wonderful (and/or horrible) world of online Obama kitsch, which includes this gem. The second highlights the inauguration-inspired curios found on Washington's streets and in its shops. It all gets a little weird.