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264 posts categorized "Humor"
09 July 2009
05 July 2009
04 July 2009
03 July 2009
28 June 2009
20 June 2009
19 June 2009
16 June 2009
07 June 2009
31 May 2009
30 May 2009
25 May 2009
24 May 2009
19 May 2009
12 May 2009
03 May 2009
30 April 2009
26 April 2009
19 April 2009
12 April 2009
05 April 2009
29 March 2009
22 March 2009
15 March 2009
11 March 2009
08 March 2009
02 March 2009
Nation's Blacks Creeped Out By All The People Smiling At Them
I know it's not Sunday but with all the depressing economic news today, I thought we could all use a little Onion humor:
WASHINGTON—A majority of African-Americans surveyed in a nationwide poll this week reported feeling "deeply disturbed" and "more than a little weirded out" by all the white people now smiling at them.
Black citizens have reported a disturbing 350 percent increase in interracial high-fiving since January 20.
First witnessed shortly after President Obama's historic victory, the open and cheerful smiling has only continued in recent months, leaving members of the black community completely unnerved.
"On behalf of black people across this nation, I would like to say to our white brethren, 'Please stop looking at us like that,'" said Brown University psychology professor Dr. Stanley Carsons. "We're excited Barack is president, too, and we're glad you're happy for us. But giving us the thumbs up for no reason, or saying hello whenever we walk by, is really starting to freak us out."
Added Carsons, "We just want to be able to stand in line at Home Depot without getting patted on the back."
According to the poll, more than 92 percent of African-Americans have noticed a dramatic increase in the number of beaming Caucasians in their vicinity, as well as a marked rise in the instances of white people making direct eye contact with them on the bus, engaging them in pleasant conversation, and warmly gazing in their general direction with a mix of wonder, pride, and profound contentment. All respondents reported being "petrified" by the change.
"Yesterday, I'm pretty sure the cashier at the Giant Eagle winked at me," said Eddie Wilkes, a Pittsburgh resident who described himself as "not a politics person." "Then she said something about what a happy day it was and tried to bump fists. The whole thing gave me the willies."
24 February 2009
22 February 2009
15 February 2009
13 February 2009
10 February 2009
Cheney Dunk Tank Raises $800B For The Nation
Breaking news from the Onion (hat tip Kathy!):
Organizers reported Sunday that the 44th White House Carnival was a rousing success, raising a record $800,000,066,845 for the federal government—$800 billion of which came from a dunk tank featuring former vice president Dick Cheney.
According to Secretary of the Treasury and carnival volunteer Timothy Geithner, the 5-foot-deep tank has provided a much-needed boost to the nation's flagging economy.
"We expected a big turn out, but this is unbelievable," said Geithner, adding that it's tradition for the outgoing vice president to work the dunk tank. "More than half the country has already gone, and there's still about 20 million people stretching all the way to Maryland waiting for their chance to sink Cheney. We'll be leaving this booth open for as long as it takes for everyone to get a turn." ...
"All right, you candy arms, let's go," Cheney shouted at the line of people, which consisted of Americans, non-Americans, out-of-work autoworkers, teachers, luminaries from the science community, gays, lesbians, military personnel, members of Congress, children, and the entire Arab-American population. "Hey [former British prime minister Tony] Blair. I see you back there. Think you'll be able to stop crying long enough to throw the ball?" ...
Unlike Biller, who carefully threw the ball at the bull's-eye, many citzens opted instead to aim directly at the head and chest of the 67-year-old politician.
One contestant who struggled to hit the target was Sen. John Kerry (D-MA). After nearly 20 unsuccessful tries, several of which involved Kerry standing well ahead of the thrower's line, carnival officials finally allowed Kerry to just walk up and press the button with his hand ...
"I think that son of a bitch was actually having a good time up there," said attendee and former press secretary Ari Fleischer. "Much different than in 2000 when Al Gore refused to take off his T-shirt."
While the dunk tank remained busy throughout the evening, reports from the other side of the White House lawn were less favorable, with former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice having not yet received a single customer at her kissing booth.
08 February 2009
05 February 2009
03 February 2009
01 February 2009
30 January 2009
29 January 2009
26 January 2009
25 January 2009
23 January 2009
The Hudson River Jet Saboteurs Have Been Found
From Tom, A Blue View reader:
18 January 2009
16 January 2009
Bush's Last Press Conference
Bush's weird press conference drew the attention of both cartoonists and satirists:
Jon jumped on the same thing at about the 3 minute mark. And his final line was a killer:
15 January 2009
Obama Kitsch
From The New Republic
Seyward Darby has not one--but two--new slideshows up on the site. The first is a guided tour through the wonderful (and/or horrible) world of online Obama kitsch, which includes this gem. The second highlights the inauguration-inspired curios found on Washington's streets and in its shops. It all gets a little weird.
Here are those links again: 1) Online kitsch; 2) DC kitsch.
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