Days before a deployment to Iraq last year, the 26-year-old soldier's sergeant told his troops that they would get to know one another pretty well over the next few months.
"I'm in trouble," the specialist remembered thinking. He feared comrades would find out he is gay. Worse, he said, they could figure out that he has been dating another soldier in the combat arms battalion for more than five years. Their careers were on the line.
The reaction during the soldier's year-long deployment -- nobody asked about it -- offers new insight into how today's military might adapt to a repeal of the ban on openly gay service members sought by President Obama and top Pentagon officials. The specialist didn't exactly tell, but at the end of the tour, his sexual orientation had become a poorly kept secret -- and his career was undamaged.
"I don't know if I won any hearts and minds among the Iraqis," said the specialist, who returned home from Iraq recently. "But I did among my brothers in arms because I did my job well and went above and beyond. I was respected."
A younger and more liberal corps of commanders and soldiers has given rise to bubbles of tolerance in today's military, an institution that soldiers describe as still largely unwelcoming and wary of gays, according to interviews with more than a dozen enlisted troops and officers, both gay and straight.
Underground gay communities have emerged at bases across the United States and even in war zones. In Iraq, one e-mail group maintained by gay troops includes a database where soldiers post their instant-messaging screen names and the base where they're stationed. Dozens have profiles on gay dating sites, some posing in uniform.
In recent years, service members and researchers say, a growing number of gay troops have disclosed their sexual orientation to supervisors and comrades. They say they are buoyed by a sense that wartime commanders are increasingly reluctant to lose skilled troops to a ban many now view as archaic.
But even if the current law and policy known as "don't ask, don't tell" is repealed in coming months, gay soldiers are unlikely to come out of the closet in large numbers, service members said.
"An openly gay soldier would have a lot to overcome," said Matthew Gallagher, a former Army captain and popular blogger who left the Army last year. "It is a culture fueled entirely by machismo, and it definitely has a bit of locker-room homophobia."
Gallagher, 26, who is straight, said he nonetheless thinks openly gay service members should be allowed to serve. "If an openly gay soldier went into a unit and proved himself competent and skillful, I believe most units and soldiers would accept him as one of their own -- especially during combat," he said. "At the end of the day, the military thrives off of pragmatism, and nothing matters more to soldiers."
Other officers disagree. They argue that lifting the ban could demoralize an institution strained by two ongoing wars and the toll of nearly a decade of combat. Openly gay soldiers could weaken unit cohesion and present logistical and moral dilemmas for commanders, supporters of the ban said.
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